and it's always the trivia-list things in life that can perk your mood up in bad days and make yourself go warm and feel loved ;)

this song from The Wedding Singer will forever and remain as one of the best songs around <3

( adam sandler's magic )

(i will so totally melt into a pool of Shuf if someone sings this song to me WITH A GUITAR AS A BONUS. LOL)

Okay, so I was informed last semester that minor modules can be S/Ued, so happily, I went to check whether I can S/U my minor module which is the black sheep of my result slip last semester (got a freaking C+ for it and pulled down my CAP like crazy). In the end, FASS CNM department emailed me and said that FASS is stricter in this aspect and they do not allow FASS students to S/U their intra-faculty minor modules. I was disappointed, obviously, because with the S/U my raw CAP last semester would have been 4.65 instead of a 4.2.

But anyhow, I got over the disappointment pretty fast. This is because I no longer really view my CAP like my life... I did some thinking and I realised the Honours route is not always the better route to be taken. If the world out there has better opportunities for me to grab, why not venture out sooner? I have been applying for bank internships and actively hunting for jobs (yet to send resume though). If a bank is willing to offer a job or internship to me, most probably, I would just graduate this semester.

Two days ago, the S/U office emailed me again saying that they changed my module status and my C+ has become a 'S' grade instead. Overnight, my CAP went up and now it's at the second upper honours level, in the process sacrificing my minor. I was like totally WTF-ing.

Firstly, they only got back to me after TWO FREAKING MONTHS after the CNM dept's email.

Secondly, they S/Ued the minor module for me without asking for my permission. I could have changed my mind and decided to keep my minor instead of aiming for a higher CAP, especially since I'm having second thoughts on doing Honours, right?

Thirdly, now my overall CAP went from 3.94 to 4.00. NOW I'M IN SUCH DEEP SHIT DILEMMA. If my CAP remains at 4.00, wouldn't even YOU find that it's a waste to give up on Honours? Since second upper is ALREADY in my hands (although it can slip off anytime if I screw it up)?

Anyway I emailed the S/U dept again to clarify about this, why CNM dept says this, and you do that. I don't want any conflicts or confusion when I graduate. I don't wanna stay back one semester or whatever just because of one stupid module. So, my CAP is still temporary. It may fall back to 3.94 again.

But aw shucks. If it falls back to 3.94, I won't deny that I will feel a little disappointed. But what if I wanna graduate with only a degree? Then sacrificing my minor wouldn't be worth it. So what if my CAP is above 4? A degree's a degree. No one cares. But a minor is still a bonus no matter what.

Sigh. I hate making life changing decisions :/ That's the main reason why I hate growing up. The responsibilities and burdens on your shoulders just get heavier...

It's becoming an obsession. Looking at them is no longer enough to satisfy my crave.

( click for a bimbo post )

oh, family troubles.

mum's naggings are irritating me and ringing by my ears although they aren't directed to me.

as usual, it's the usual.

when will all this end...

Okay, so what's this dilemma doing in my mind, to go on to honours, or not?

I have one more semester to really decide my fate. To stay for another year in school, or graduate with a BA and step into the society permanently.

Maybe because all these three years in university, I have been doing modules with my friends. Economics modules are definitely more tedious and difficult than the other major modules I ever did. And to some extent, some assignments are really undoable unless I source external help, which normally come from my friends.

Maybe this is the reason why I'm questioning the ability of myself doing honours.

I think my university friends are exasperated at my low self-esteem. HAHA. Because I keep bugging them whether I should continue on.

Indeed, the route to a higher qualification is a difficult and lonely one. I'm going on to Honours without any of my fellow major friends who are all graduating this semester; that's why I'm really, really scared. What if I can't do this module. What if I fall and there's no one to pick me up. There are a lot of What Ifs, because I'm such a jumpy person with many insecurities.

I guess I shall see the results of this coming semester. If my CAP drops, it would be a very uphill task to get Second Upper Honours. Then I would file for graduation. If it increases again (hopefully), I guess I will stay in the education route. Harharhar.

School starts on Tuesday. Oh mannn.

He told me a story. A man buried his wife. At the grave site he stood by the Reb, tears falling down ...his face.

“I loved her,” he whispered.

The Reb nodded.

“I mean.. I really loved her.”

The man broke down.

“And.. I almost told her once.”

The Reb looks at me sadly.

“Nothing haunts like the thing we don’t say.”
– Mitch Albom

****

I'm born into a family who doesn't publicly show affections. Thus, I grow up being how I am now, not showing much of affections verbally, physically, etc.

But that doesn't mean I do not love.

I treasure each and every one of you, everyone who's in my life, who makes a difference, and make me a better person.

(: Time to show your love to your loved ones before everything's too late.

Okay, so this entry comes late (supposedly to be blogged on either 31st dec or 1st jan) but I got lazy. But better late than never right?

(Btw, I had a fantastic birthday. I will blog about it one day. Wahahaha.)

2009 has been quite an eventful year for me. It was a much better year than 2008... which wasn't really that bad, but just plain in comparison. I guess after going and seeing through some stuffs through 2007 and 2008, I realised that there are some stuffs that should be changed, modified to make my life better. Being stubborn in life becomes a burden when it translates into obstinacy.

I used to think that, well, if you don't like me the way I am, that's your own problem. I daresay I still carry this kinda attitude, but a little less extreme. Looking back, maybe because of many unhappy events that occurred, my views on some stuffs have changed and I learnt to self reflect a little more. I learned to reflect on myself first rather than putting the blame on others... when things did not turn out the way they did.

Perhaps my greatest discovery of the whole of year 2009 is this realisation: in order for the day, the month, and the year to go smoothly and pass by the way we want, we have to work for it, and not sit back and wait for changes to happen.

Some realisation may seem trivial and simple when put into words, but discovery was so difficult.

Maybe this is part of the mentality maturing process, and it comes with age and experience in life. Though I still act like a 5-year-old kid most of the time, being not very serious, deep down I'm aging inside. I no longer had the energy to argue when I see things that I don't like. What came into place is more of patience. I rarely blow my top now as much of the frustrations are vented more towards silent mediums. Thus, my blog.

And the thought of myself turning 22 this year still scares me. If 21 years just flew by so unexpectedly, I would see myself growing old, full of white hair, VERY soon.

2010 new year resolutions? I never had a habit making those. But some resolutions became so repetitive they are no longer needed to be listed out. Striving for better academic excellence, be a better person blah blah blah... Obviously, I don't have much of an adventurous resolution yet, so I find it pointless to list it out here.

When the clock struck midnight on 1st Jan 2010, I felt no difference. It's not as if I will get a new bout of energy suddenly and become more optimistic with life. LOL. Although I was part of this countdown party which wasn't very party-ish. Still, it's still a new year. May all the unhappiness of the past year dissolve into nothingness and stop holding on to the past. It is still a brand new year with a brand new start!

And awww. School's starting in a week's time.

Okay I better start blogging about this trip soon so that it won't slip off my mind as time goes by!! And procrastination taking over. Haha. wanna blog this for memory's keepsake.

Caution: Image heavy post! You would have seen all already if you were stalking my fb pics ;p

( BINTAN :D )
***

will continue blogging about this later! going out to celebrate my mum's birthday now and blog about other stuffs... hehe!

When a leisure activity becomes an obsession, and when it starts to take over so much that obsession is no longer the word to describe the intensiveness of the activity you are engaging... it becomes a religion.

And when this religion starts to get onto other people's nerves, makes you forget about the stuffs and promises you made less than 24 hours ago to someone who specially set aside a day to spend time together and all you do is to leave the person rotting at one corner and you doing your 'ritual' religiously, the person would at first start to get irritated, unappreciated... and hurt.

Fuck this. I thought my family's Buddhists. Since when did gambling start to take over as our religion?